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Episode 66: Flowing Boundaries

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Little Cabin Knits is a monthly podcast all about knitting, mental health, advocacy, my new mama journey, and life happenings here in the wilds of Alaska with a little bit of Hygge sprinkled throughout. I’m your host Emily. I am a knitter, crafter, mental health therapist, and explorer of my home state of Alaska

This week’s episode contains:


Around the Fire

On the Couch

On the Shelf

Personal Skill Set

Contemplation Corne


  • Andersmillknits on IG and Ravelry

  • Between Knits and Purls on YouTube

  • You can find all the show notes on our official website:

  • If you have a question, or comment you can email me at

  • I am now an amazon affiliate! When you click on one of the products, I recommend you will be directed to Amazon, and I will receive a small commission for any products purchased. Your support helps keep the podcast going.

  • Support the podcast development through donation on my Ko-Fi account!

  • Charming Ewe the official Sponsor of Little Cabin Knits! Link to CharmingEwe

Knit/Craft What You Love KAL

#knitwhatyoulovekal and #craftwhatyoulovekal on IG


  • Fox in the Snow Mitten kit comes with the pattern and 3 skiens on patons Kroy sock to knit the pattern

  • Wolf River Sweater Kit with yarn to knit the largest size for the pattern in Cloudborn Worsted in Charcoal colorway.

  • Cary of Mywoolmittenfarm has offered to donate a prize from her farm!

A few notes:

  • entries from now until the last day of June will be included in the drawing for prizes.

  • currently on the needles are fair game to use for this KAL

  • double dipping into other people's KAL's is encouraged

  • the ONLY rule is that you knit something that brings you joy and that it is for YOU!!!!

Call Out

Call out to all my crafting friends and listeners. I don't know when I will be able to knit regularly again and I have long wanted to publish interviews of all you amazing crafters, so if any of you would like to come on the show to share what you are creating, I would love to interview you!

Around the Fire

This is not a new segment, I have not enjoyed the title of the segment I called "Raise a Cuppa" since the beginning but I couldn't think what to rename it. This segment is all about what is going on in my life and I realized that when we talk about this stuff in my family it is usually as we gather around the campfire or fireplace. So I renamed the segment, everything else remains the same.

  • Jimmy is now 10 months

  • He now gets super upset when it is nap or bedtime as he doesn't want to miss out on anything. But we cuddle, I sing his favorite song, and sometimes I tickle him into happiness and pretty soon he falls asleep. Sometimes really fast, like within minutes, and sometimes it takes about 45 mins but we get there in the end.

  • We have been spring cleaning and re orgazing the house. I hvae cleaned out all the closets, deep cleaned the laundry room/closet, re ordered everything in the house to be baby proof- mainly I concentrated on anything I thought would be bad for him to chew on such as cleaning bottles and other bathroom supplies.

  • My father asked his friend to come and help me put up some shelves around the house and so for two days he was over here and we lined the upper half of Jimmy's soon to be room with shleves, making sure that all of them are well supported and none are over the area that Jimmy's crib will be when he moves in there in a few months. We also put up shelving in the bathroom, and then we went around the house and secured all the bookshelves and anything else we thought seemed unsteady to the walls so that no matter how hard Jimmy pulls on them nothing will fall.

  • My uncle and aunt decided he wanted to clear out his entire house of furniture and replace it all so I inherited a pretty amazing leather rocking chair. Ironically I had just fixed the beloved wooden rocking chair that had split at the base on us. I just can't bring myself to give up that rocking chair so now we have two! it's made the living room a tad cramped with the addition of Jimmy's play pin but worth it!

  • I've been making at least two cooking adventure videos each week and you can see those on my IG and TikTok Accounts - I am andersmillknits on both.

  • I am working on cleaning up the ridiculous number of baby food jars so I can make soy candles to anyone who would like to purchase them. Problem now is that I need a long time to make a batch and I can't seem to get that time so far. But I am hopeful.

  • New dishwasher - installed it ourselves!

On the Couch

  • Fingerless mitts I am designing using knit picks Brava DK in White, hunter green and purple.

Mitts feature curragated ribbing and colorwork of roses. I am super excited about them

  • Battenberg Blanket by Sandra Paul of the Cherry Heart Youtube Channel

Using Knit Picks Brava DK with crochet hook size E. Colorways are White as the main squares, Custard, Tidepool, Lady Slipper, Seashell, and Tranquil.

On the Shelf

  • Softly Softly Around the House - my second head kerchief design.

This one builds on the simple techniques of the first design, all knit in garter stitch, but this time knit from the bottom point up ending in icord bind off and icords to tie around the head.

Personal Skill Set

Last episode I foretasted today's topic which in mental boundaries. I am going to be talking about boundaries in a slightly different way then you may have heard it in the past.

Traditionally when we speak about creating boundaries we talk about what your value system is, as in what you believe in that is the right way to behave, and your spiritual beliefs.

So a simple boundary is that if you believe murder to be bad, or evil, you set up a personal boundary that you will never kill someone.

If hitting or physically hurting another human being is something you view as bad then you would set up a boundary that you will not hit or harm another human.

These are simple and universal boundaries, so much so that pretty much every country on earth has laws (which a boundaries set in place to protect the community) in place to ensure that everyone is aligned with those boundaries. If someone breaks those boundaries there are consequences, such as incarceration.

Other boundaries are not so clear cut. You may have a personal belief that drinking is bad, but society says it is okay. So how to you uphold that boundary? Perhaps you do it by not allowing alcohol of any kind in your house, perhaps you let it be known to your friends and family that you do not drink. Perhaps you even go so far as to ask that others do not drink in your presence.

But what if other people don't have the same boundaries or values as you? What if your friends like to drink, they don't go overboard and they drink responsibly, having a limit, perhaps doing it at home, or having a designated driver. Does that make them bad? no they just have different sets of boundaries and values then you do.

The problem we run into is when we try to impose our boundaries and values on other people, and either manipulate or brow beat them into conforming with your belief system. Then we have overstepped the mark and are impeding on their boundaries.

For instance, many of you may have realized that I grew up LDS (or Mormon), I even served a mission for 18 months when I was 21. As things happened in my life, I fell gradually away from the church however I still held many of the beliefs as my beliefs and values and boundaries. Drinking for instance. I tried a sip now and then but I never liked it and I never allowed it in my home. My husband lives a sober lifestyle so this has never been a source of conflict for us.

But there are other things in the LDS religion that are foreign to many people. I have a firm boundary not to impose these beliefs on my husband, and I only talk about them when and if he asks me about them. That is a boundary I have set in place for myself.

Since Jimmy I have been slowly attending services again and I have invited my husband to join me, but I have never argued or attempted to make him feel bad if he declines to attend.

Well the missionaries started coming by wanting to teach us both the lessons, me because I have been less active for at least 8 years not, and my husband as he is not a member. I told them that they can ask my husband and if he agrees then they can come over. To my surprise he has been inviting them over almost every week for the past month. It has been nice honestly if for no other reason then they are nice young men and good company.

On their last visit one of them popped up with "Will you get baptized?" to my husband. I was pretty shocked. I didn't think we were prepared to have that discussion yet, heck I still don't know really if I am ready to fully commit to the church again! Jeremy looked at me for a moment after the question was asked and I said, "This is totally up to you. I will not ask you to get baptized for mine or Jimmy's sake. This is a personal spiritual journey and you have to make this decision without me influencing you."

I could tell the missionary who asked the question was shocked. I think he thought I would put my two cents worth in and try to get Jeremy to commit right then. Nope sorry, I learned long ago that any decisions made by coercion or a feeling of debt were bad ones and I refuse to inflict that on my beloved husband.

This is a boundary I have set up in my house. It may be hard to implement sometimes but I refuse to allow my own beliefs and desires to manipulate my husband into doing something he is not prepared to do.

Those are murky waters right? How do we

A) Know what our value system is

B) understand what our boundaries are

C) know how to enforce those boundaries

D) and finally know when it is wrong to make them a more general boundary for all those around you?

All very good questions. Here are some things to think about as you review your values and boundaries.

  • Ask yourself what you believe in, what you believe is right vs wrong

  • Now take out a piece of paper and make three columns.

In the first column put down boundaries that you see as being upheld by your community at large (such as the not killing another or hurting another).

In the second column list out the boundaries that you know are best for your household at large (perhaps you list such things as cleaning up after yourself, everyone pitches in on the chores, no lying, and saying please and thank you).

In the last column you put things that you recognize are important to yourself alone, regardless of what anyone else says or does. (so for me I put down, no drinking, always telling the truth, don't manipulate my spouse, allow other their belief system and honor that belief system, and so forth).

This last set of boundaries is what I want to talk about more today. These are the hardest to keep up and the hardest not to be influenced by other or influence others in. So how do we keep things clear and not impose our personal boundaries on others or have impose theirs on us?

Now we get into the what has worked for me. This may or may not work for you so please take with a grain of salt.

I have developed a very tight seal around my very personal boundaries. Another way to put it is that I have placed a shield between myself and others in this area. For to long I allowed others to dictate or influence me in this area and once I decided to take full responsibility for my personal boundaries I knew I needed a way to safe guard those. SO here's how I do it:

  1. Meditation. Whenever I feel myself teetering I meditate to ground myself and reorient my boundaries. Meditation balances not only my emotions but my thoughts so that I can view these experiences with a lot more objectivity then I otherwise would.

Some of the meditations I do are grounding meditations, I will guide you through my favorite of these in the Hygge segment, some are simple breathing exercises, some are gratitude meditations, and some are physical meditations such as Tia Chi. These are what works for me. You must decided if meditation is right for you and which ones work best for you.

Many people, myself included, view prayer as a meditation. So think about that if you want a more spiritual format.

2. Shielding. This may sound strange but I use this everyday, especially when I know I am going into a situation in which I have the potential to be emotional at risk, or my boundaries may be challenged.

Shielding is simple. I simply imagine a shimmering wall in my mind either protecting my heart, my mind, or my whole body. I work on that image until, for me, I see it as a solid wall protecting myself vulnerable places. Imagine a castle, and around that castle you have a protection wall built to keep out invaders. This is the same concept but is a mental and portable wall of protections, one that goes with you wherever you go.

WARNING: this wall cannot and should not remain up indefinitely. I only put it up in times and places that I feel I may be at risk. Otherwise I do not put it up. When I am at home with my husband and son it is down. When I go to a party in which I know there will be people there doing things that I personally do not align with then I put it up.

The same is true of the castle barrier. The walls have openings, they have a main gate, and many usually have smaller doors or gates, that remain open or down when the people in those castles feel they are safe.

There are also many different types of shields you could create. Remember last episode when I ended with that old saying of "I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks on you"? Well that is a shield! You are creating a situation in which you will not allow what another persons says to you to harm you, your shield has become bouncy like a trampoline, and the hurtful words that are being thrown at you are rejected and bounced back to the thrower.

Work on creating a shield that is comfortable to you. Perhaps the shield is solid like a rock, or bouncy like a trampoline, or sticky like glue, or slippery like ice - all of these work to deflect what is being flung at you, they are just being dealt with in different ways.

3. Understanding. Understanding of yourself and others is best when working with boundaries. If you don't understand ASK! ask yourself those hard questions such as What is important to you? what is okay and not okay behavior in yourself? and so forth. Ask others what they believe and what is important to them. Most people will welcome that conversation, especially those of differing cultures then yourself but also be prepared if someone chooses not to engage in that conversation. When that occurs, observe them, don't stalk but be observant and take mental notes of their likes and dislikes, what they say, how they say and when they say it. By observing these little things you can get a viewpoint of the bigger important things in their lives.

Actually this last technique will work for you too! If you are feeling to overwhelmed by all that I've spoken of before this, just peel things back and start looking at your likes and dislikes, what you say, how you say and when you say it and you can figure out your bigger values and beliefs which will inform your boundaries.

A Time for Hygge

Let's try a grounding meditation shall we? This simple meditation is a great way to connect to place, feel grounded

Getting ready Imagine yourself as a tree.

If it is comfortable, stand with feet planted on the ground.

If you are outside, you can take off your shoes to feel more connected with the earth. You can also sit or lie down for this grounding meditation.

Imagine your back as a trunk and that you have long roots that grow from the bottom of your feet, deep into the Earth.

Take a moment to scan your body, noticing any areas of tension. You may wish to gently realign your body so you are in a relaxed position.

Firstly take a deep breath in through the nose, feeling your lungs expand.

Then let it all out with a big exhale, imagining all the energy you were hanging on to is flowing out of your body, down through your roots, and into the Earth.

Close your eyes. Breathe deeply in through your nose, and exhale through your mouth, focusing on the sound of your breath and the bodily sensations of breathing.

Keep breathing. Use your breathing to focus you and help you slow down your body’s internal activity.

Grounding Imagine that you are standing in an open field with the sun shining down upon you. You are tall, strong, and solid. You are old and wise.

Bring awareness to your feet and first notice them in contact with the ground. Now feel them firmly anchored to the ground.

Now imagine strong roots extending from the bottoms of your feet, pushing downward through the surface below, eventually reaching into the soil below.

Feel your roots reaching even deeper into the earth, winding around rocks, and pushing deep through the many layers of cool, dark earth. Your roots grow and spread both downward and outward.

Feel yourself anchored very solidly to the ground by your extensive root system.

As you become more anchored, feel your tree-body, your trunk, is straight and strong. Feel your leafy branches extend upward toward the warm sun.

Let go of stress As you are breathing, imagine with each exhale, that you are pushing any tension or stress down toward your feet and out through your roots into the surrounding soil.

Feel tension draining from your eyes, your jaw, your shoulders, your chest, your belly, and all areas of your body.

Notice how is receptive the Earth is and how well and welcoming the ground is and absorbs what you want to release. Feel grateful and lighter as you begin to let go of that stress and tension.

Breathe in feelings of wellbeing When you feel properly grounded, take a deep breath and reverse the process.

You will now absorb healing and calming energy from the Earth.

As you breathe in through your nose, imagine with each breath that your roots are absorbing healing white light.

Feel the rich nutrients of the Earth gently feeding your root system until it reaches the trunk of your body. Feel the light entering your legs, your stomach, your chest, your arms, hands and finally your head.

Be aware of this sense of oneness with the earth.

Feel this grounded, earthly energy fill your body, washing over you with feelings of wellbeing.

Feel the sun shining down on your tree-body, and know that with each ray of sunshine, you have the ability to create your own energy.

Take a moment to step back from yourself and look at the tree. See how you are one with the earth, and one with the sky – solid, steady and expansive.

You are able to both sway with the breeze and be connected and grounded.

When you are ready, gently come back to the here and now, carrying the grounded energy of the tree with you through the rest of the day.

Contemplation Corner

The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom - Tara Brach